Thursday, 1 March 2007

Looking back a bit

The day was planned and thought about as a duly routine months before. I was already thinking about the cold, the food, the people, the people whom i dont understand a word from, the overpriced everything inc ciggies, and the most dreaded, the sharing of toilets.

*toilets are sacred to me. i spend alot of time(and ciggies) on them. Not really doing much tho, just spacing out, pondering and thinking. Sharing toilets means i cant use the loo as my `thinking seat`.*

I was thinking the song by chantel 'wachamacallit' a lot. leaving on a jet plane. how cliche? it felt right at the time. with the packing, last catching up with friends and `friends`, relatives, and elaine. i had sufficient time to do all that was necesary and i thought i was doing quite well.

The day came, and no chantal was playing. it was still a rush. like every other day for me. a rush. a sleepless nite, talking on the phone to elaine for most of the nite, a coffee in the kitchen with my mum, got ready and next i know, im hugging my mum outside the gate, ready to klia, with elaine, faheem and yas in tow.

i have to admit, i must have had a drink too many. feeling awfully shitty. and guilty as i know my beloved didnt want to have her last picture of me in her head as being stoned. i appologise sayang.

*lets skip all this and i wanna fast forward to a point on that morning*

last hugs with all, esp elaine. i have been cool about this throughout. not thinking too much about it. but fucking hell it sank. when? as i showed my boarding tix and made it down the escalator to the immigration. i looked back. and to see her in tears. shit. i didnt remember planning for that. that sight hit me hard. it made me shed a tear.

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